Now I am seriously `chilled out` and starting to integrate more with the Aussie way. Took myself off to the beach on the Tuesday and sat around being lazy in a beach bar. Van Morrison in the background, kissing a cold wine, watching the `beach wildlife` with my binoculars and noting down all the strange and funny things people do over here. It was so hot the ink in my pen started to melt! You can write a novel based on just a day `people watching` the Aussies eg: Aussie gays are huge muscle bound hunks that walk with a wiggle, so many fat, red bulks on the beach in G Strings ( Bleeuuurk!), Russian millionaires with Russian `Snakes` in crotchet `desire dresses`. Beefcake everywhere - jogging, cycling and even in wheelchairs - even the paraplegics are muscle bound! Grey, ponytailed hippies with slack bodies reflecting slack minds, poofters with perfect hair - disturbed by flies ( the Aussie wave), I actually thought I had died - there were so many flies around me I felt like an old rotting corpse. After a while I discovered they had tempura oysters ( cooked in a light batter) - so I had 6, then 6 more then 6 more and the cafe gave me 6 for free because other people saw me in a food coma and had some too - pays to advertise. Here is the odd bit - sitting, looking Iranian, looking out to sea with binoculars and taking notes - the world suddenly got dark as a slab of muscle in a G string demanded to know - with menace - what I was doing? Its a bit tense here regarding terrorism - so I showed him my notes and then explained the binoculars were for looking at girls on the beach - what else? He crumpled like a dick in the cold - and mumbled "sorry mate - please don't think all Aussies are arse holes" and slinked back to his towel - the cafe was bleeding internally from hysterics!!
Loads of Grunge here as well - went for a beer in the Hotel Esplanade - a famous back packer bar - and within ten minutes found myself `joined` by a lovely little Aussie Hippie Chick - it took me three seconds to work out she was after a free place to stay, and agreed to meet her later - and didn`t!
I think Australia is a nation of lost people - they are all on their mobiles yelling "I`m in St Kilda - where are you?".
Went to a place called Callista for a Barbie with some of my mate's friends - what an experience: House like a filmstar's, loads of space, enough red meat to give all the veggies of the world colonitis, and F*ck*ng Huntsmen Spiders - YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW!! Woke up to the sound of the Kookaburra (?) - the one that goes "ooh ooh aah aah eeh eeh eeh" - like a man having a bad time on the toilet! Had to check everything by sight before I would leave the safety of my duvet ( spider watch) and then got ready for breakfast. This is how Sandy - a very educated young Oz Yuppie announced it " Jeez! Lets arc up the barbie - I`m fucking starving" - just love their direct natures eh?
They even have 24 hour drive through booze stores - seriously! You drive up, a guy asks what you want - gets it for you, you pay and party on dude!
The scenery is staggering in some places - and grotty in others. Suburbs are real `nieghboursville` - really picket fences, twitching curtains and neurosis - best to keep to the city areas. Most bars are full of Grant Mitchells ( East Enders star) all with number one head skims, foreheads like overhanging rock formations and at least one tattoo in a prominent place - cannot wait till they want an office job with "Kingdom of Tonga" slashed across their necks!
Beers are typically Aussie eg: all over 5% and called things like `cut snake`, `ducks nuts` and `shot fox` - they do the trick though.
The sun is savage here - even when its cloudy. I look almost Moroccan now - colour of mahogany and I`ve been hiding from the damn thing. I cruised down to the St Kilda festival yesterday ( Sunday) and that was too much to deal with. The whole area of the beach and two long streets of bars closed to all but drunks, kids spaced out on drugs, muscles on motorbikes, gays, hippies and lots of big fat Police sheilas with guns, big sticks and rather bad attitudes - more dangerous than the male! I didn't stay too long as it took 20 mins to get a beer and two seconds for a drunk teenie to knock it flying as she collapsed into me. Took myself home and had a quiet night in the `local` - which was full of the same, you just cannot win sometimes.
I haven`t worn virtually anything I packed - dimbo here packed a jacket and a woolly jumper - like taking a bikini to the North Pole - STUPID!
Have had some quiet days as well - its not always a full-on riot here. Just reading in cafes, walking around the parks, watching people and doing what I want to do, when I want to.
I need to get a haircut now, do some shopping and to torture my blisters some more. So this is a quick `snap shot`of things so far. I`ll send another one after Sydney.
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